


AJR Summons a Demon: An AJR Good Omens Crossover Fanfic

by Yeeto_Cheeto



Category: AJR (Band), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: AJR, AJR brothers, Adam Jack and Ryan get drunk, Crack, Crossover, Crowley loves unicorns, Demon Summoning, Gen, Half bagel half dragon hybrid creature, Near-Death Experience, Neotheater, Nice witch, Searching for unicorn, This fanfic is totally crazy and absurd, Unicorns, Why Did I Write This?, enchanted forest, good omens - Freeform, idk what this is, ineffable husbands, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 16:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeeto_Cheeto/pseuds/Yeeto_Cheeto
Summary: AJR gets stabbed by a unicorn shortly after the Neotheater World Tour and they are dying in a hospital. Ryan has the idea of summoning a demon, which they do. They end up summoning Crowley who agrees to save their lives on one condition: they must embark on an epic quest to help him find the unicorn that stabbed them.





	1. The (Almost) Death of AJR

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this. This is utter trash/crack. Enjoy, I guess. AJR, if you are reading this, I am so sorry.

Adam, Jack, and Ryan Met were all three lying on their deathbeds in the hospital. This was it. These were their final hours. This was the end of AJR.

“We did good, guys,” Ryan said in a crackly voice. “We did real good.”

“But to think,” Jack said, sounding like a broken man. “All those wasted opportunities. I mean, we’re still young. We only just finished the Neotheater tour.”

Adam simply cried silently to himself and reflected on the events that led him and his brothers to this point. He thought about their childhood and their street performing days. He thought about The Click Tour and The Neotheater Tour. He thought about doing what he loved, which was making music with Jack and Ryan. He thought about the fact that once he died, he wouldn’t be able to do any of that anymore. And it was all because of a stupid unicorn.

A few hours earlier, Adam, Jack, and Ryan had just finished their show in Manchester, UK. They decided to go for a peaceful horse ride to calm down, when they were all yeeted off their horses. Suddenly, a unicorn came out of nowhere and stabbed all three of them. The doctors tried everything they could, but to no avail. Alas, unicorn horns are magical, and there is no modern medical cure for the wounds that they cause. So that brings us back to Adam, Jack, and Ryan, in the hospital, dying.

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” Adam said through his tears. Although, he was crying so hard that it sounded more like, “I’m goooonn a a a mi his youuu g u u uys! Wahhhhhh,” 

Ryan hated to see his brothers in such agony. He decided to suggest a fun little activity for them all to do as they die. “How about we summon a demon?”

“WHAT!?” Jack screamed at the top of his lungs. “Ryan, are you crazy?”

“Yes, Jack, I thought you knew that by now,” Ryan replied. “Let’s summon a demon. It’ll be fun!”

In a fit of disbelief, Jack yeeted his hat at Ryan. The hat miraculously landed on his head. It smelled gross like sweat since Jack hadn’t washed it in ages.

“You know what, bro?” Adam said, after he finished sobbing. “What the heck. Let’s do it. Let’s summon a demon. I mean, we’re all gonna die anyways. Might as well have fun while we still can.”

“SERIOUSLY, ADAM?” Jack screeched like a wild banshee on a sugar high. “I thought you’d be on my side on this one! You’re supposed to be the calm voice of reason in this group!!! You know what? Fine. Fine!! You guys have it your way. Let’s summon this freaking demon.”

“Wahoo!” said Adam and Ryan in unison.

The three dudes got out of their hospital beds and painted a pentagram on the floor in their own blood. They then joined hands in a circle around the pentagram. They started spinning around really, really fast as they chanted a demon-summoning hymn.

“ANTHONY JANTHONY, SUGAR AND SPICE, BRING ME A DEMON WHO’S EXCEPTIONALLY NICE!”

Suddenly, a poof of smoke appeared in the middle of their circle. Adam, Jack, and Ryan let go of each other’s hands and stumbled onto the ground. They were still incredibly weak from being stabbed and losing so much blood (and what’s wrong with that?).

A tall mannish-being with red hair and sunglasses was standing in the middle of the pentagram. He was wearing all black clothes and he had a scowl on his face.

“Wha-” he said, in a British accent. “What am I doing here? Who are you people?” He attempted to step out of the circle, but, seeing as it was a pentagram and he was a demon, he was stuck. “Oh, curse you guys. I was just yelling at my houseplants and minding my own business when you buffoons summoned me. Let me out of here THIS INSTANT!”

“Oh yeah?” said Jack, suddenly very amused by the situation. “Or else what?”

“Or I'll... uh…” the demon thought for a few moments. “Or else I’ll call my husband!”

“Your husband?” said Ryan. “I didn’t know demons could get married.”

“Well, it isn’t official or anything,” the demon replied. “It was sort of a private ceremony with a few close friends. Wait, why am I making conversation with you idiots? Let me out of here right now!”

“Sorry, bud,” Adam said. “No can do. Not until you help us.”

“Fine,” growled the demon. “What do you want?”

“Well, we’ve been stabbed by a unicorn, and-” Adam began.

“WAit,” the demon cut him off. “Did you say you were stabbed by a unicorn? But those went extinct ages ago! Oh, this is truly miraculous! Um, continue.”

“Anyways, we were stabbed by a unicorn, and we are dying. We are famous musicians, and we still have a big music career ahead of us. We were wondering if you could help us.”

“Y’know what? I’ll help you guys-” The demon was cut off by a chorus of cheers. “-ON ONE CONDITION. You help me find this unicorn that stabbed you. Or any unicorn, really.”

The three brothers exchanged a glance, then nodded. Jack shook the demon’s hand. “Deal,” he said. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your name?”

“Crowley,” the demon replied. “And you are?”

“I’m Jack, and these are my brothers Adam and Ryan.”

Crowley let out a little gasp. “Are you guys… AJR?”

“Indeed we are!” replied Ryan. “Have you heard of us?”

“Yes! I’ve only heard a couple of your songs though. I really liked ‘Weak.’”

“Well, it’s always nice to meet fans!” Jack replied. “Now, could you please cure us?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Crowley snapped his fingers and the three dudes were cured.

“Thanks, man!” Ryan said.

“We owe you our lives,” said Adam.

“Let’s go find you that unicorn!” said Jack.


	2. The Unicorn Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AJR and Crowley try to find a unicorn, but they end up in a magical forest and they also get drunk. There’s also a half bagel/half dragon creature in this chapter. Adam is super awkward in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are you still reading this

Once Crowley, Adam, Jack, and Ryan left the hospital, Crowley snapped his fingers and a black 1920’s Bentley in almost mint condition appeared. “Get in,” he said. The three dudes obliged. Crowley sat in the driver’s seat, Ryan sat in the passenger's seat, and Jack and Adam sat in the backseat. When Crowley turned on the car, “Bohemian Rhapsody” immediately started playing.

Ryan struck up a conversation with Crowley about Crowley’s favorite hobbies. (These hobbies included yelling at his houseplants, listening to Queen, driving way too fast, turning into a snake, and feeding the London ducks with his husband Aziraphale.)

Crowley drove all the way to the place where the brothers had gotten stabbed, which was in the middle of nowhere. 

“Well, this is the place,” Jack said.

“Are you KIDDING ME?!” Crowley griped. “This is the middle of nowhere! How are we supposed to find a unicorn out here?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, Crowley, sir, why do you want to find a unicorn so badly?” Adam asked, being careful not to upset the moody demon even more.

Crowley sighed deeply. “Allow me to take you back to a time thousands of years ago. The year was 3004 BC, and the place was Mesopotamia. Aziraphale and I were still supposed enemies at the time. In case I haven’t mentioned this already, Aziraphale is an angel, and I am a demon. We aren’t even supposed to be friends. But anyways, God was going to send a great flood, so She told this guy named Noah to board two of each animal onto a giant boat. However, one of the unicorns escaped and unicorns went extinct. Or so I thought! Unicorns were always my favorite animal. Oh, I used to ride them around all day and feed them carrots and pet their manes. I would give just about anything to see one again.”

Adam, Jack, and Ryan were speechless. A single tear trickled down Jack’s cheek at Crowley’s heartfelt story.

“Alright, Crowley,” Jack finally said after a long silence. “We are gonna help you find that unicorn if it is the LAST thing we do.”

“Thanks,” Crowley said. “You… you have no idea how much this means to me.”

The group exited the car and began walking nowhere in particular. After about an hour of aimless wandering, Adam gasped. “There are horse tracks here,” he whispered.

“What was that?” Ryan asked.

“There are horse tracks here,” Adam whispered again. He had a bit of a habit of being too quiet.

“What did you say, Adam? I couldn’t hear you,” said Jack.

“There are horse tracks here!” Adam whisper-yelled.

“I think he said there are horse tracks here,” said Crowley. 

“Ohhhhhh,” said Jack and Ryan simultaneously. The three other guys looked down at the ground where Adam was pointing, and, sure enough, there were horse tracks there.

The group followed the horse tracks all the way to the edge of the forest. There was no clear path, so they had to just cut through the woods. Hours passed, and the sun was beginning to set. 

“I’m hungry,” Ryan whined.

“I’m tired,” Jack complained.

“I miss Aziraphale,” Crowley grumbled.

Adam, being to most quiet and the most mature, said nothing, but nodded knowingly. That wise boyo.

A few more minutes of hiking ensued. “Hey look!” said Jack, suddenly. “Is that a cottage in the distance?”

“I believe so,” said Adam.

“C’mon guys,” said Ryan. “Let’s go knock on the door of that little cottage in the woods in the middle of nowhere! That’s not suspicious at all! I bet nothing bad will happen to us in there!” Ryan wasn’t even being sarcastic, he was just being Ryan. Adam, being a wise boyo, wanted to argue, but he was so tired that he didn’t even bother.

The group walked up to the cottage. Jack knocked on the door. It didn’t open, so he knocked again. “I don’t think anybody’s home,” he said.

“I have an idea!” said Ryan. “Maybe we can lure whoever lives there out with our beautiful angelic singing voices!” 

“Good idea,” said Jack. “What song should we do?”

“How about 100 Bad Days?” Adam suggested. “It seems pretty fitting for our current situation.”

“Great idea!” said Jack. Him, Ryan, and Adam started to sing:

“Remember when we all got drunk?  
I ended up with two broke thumbs  
Oh my God, I felt so dumb, lucky me  
I wrote a song that no one knows  
I played a show and no one showed  
Oh my God, I felt so alone, lucky me  
When all is going wrong and you're scared as hell  
What you gonna do? Who you gonna tell?  
Maybe a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories  
A hundred good stories make me interesting at parties…”

Suddenly, the door of the cottage opened. A woman, who looked to be in her 30s, opened the door. She had dark skin, curly black hair, and was wearing a vintage green dress. She looked very beautiful and kind. “I couldn’t help but hear you guy’s singing,” she said. “You all sound really wonderful.”

“Thanks!” said Jack. 

“We’ve been practicing,” said Ryan.

“Hominojssjsjdjjdjehehehdhdh,” whispered Adam. 

Jack looked at Adam weirdly. “You okay there, bro?” he asked.

“Um, yeah, totally,” whispered Adam. He coughed.

Ryan smiled at Adam. He knew what was going on. Adam hadn’t been in a relationship for a while, and he likely thought that the woman was cute. Adam tended to get really awkward and shy around women he liked, and Ryan knew this. Ryan was so going to tease Adam about this later.

“You guys seem lost,” the woman said. “Would you like to come inside?”

“Sure!” said Crowley, Jack, and Ryan.

“Blehp,” whispered Adam.

“Would you boys like some tea?” The woman asked once the group was situated in the living room.

“That would be lovely,” said Jack, speaking for everyone else.

“So,” said Ryan, turning to Adam. He was smirking. “Looks like somebody’s got a crush.” Adam groaned and put his face into his hands. Ryan simply snickered.

Soon, the woman re-entered the room and handed everyone a mug of warm tea. She sat down on the couch next to Adam.

Adam decided to be cool strike up a conversation with the woman. “So, names are pretty neat-o,” he cringed as he said that. “Do you… have one of those?”

“Oh, silly me!” the woman replied. “I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Leafy Magestical-Heart Oompalah, but you can call me Leaf. What about you?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” said Adam. His face was redder than a tomato.

Jack decided to save him by saying, “His name’s Adam, I’m Jack, this is Ryan, and that’s just some dude named Crowley.”

“You have hair,” Adam said to Leaf. He quickly ran out of the room and went to the kitchen to wallow in his own awkwardness. Ryan was dying of laughter.

“So, what brings you boys to the Forbidden Forest?” Leaf asked, changing the subject.

“Well,” began Jack. “We were actually trying to help Crowley find a unicorn.”

“A unicorn?” Leaf repeated. “There’s only about 20 of those left in the world!”

“We know,” said Ryan. “Can you help us?”

“I’m afraid there’s not much I can do,” Leaf replied. “I can let you boys sleep here for the night, though. The Forbidden Forest gets very dangerous at night.”

“The Forbidden Forest?” Crowley asked. 

“Yeah, that's what I call this forest,” Leaf mused. “Nobody can actually enter it without an extreme sense of purpose. It disappears to everyone else. Can I let you all in on a secret?” Everyone nodded. “I’m actually a witch. I came here originally to study magical creatures. I also came here because I was fed up with modern society. I just wanted to get away.”

“Do you ever get lonely?” Ryan asked.

Leaf sighed. “Yes, but I make it work. I like being alone. And besides, I’m not completely alone. Would you like to meet Baglon?”

“Baglon?” asked Crowley. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, Baglon!” Leaf called. Suddenly, a little half bagel, half dragon creature entered the room. It looked just like a bagel except for the fact that it had dragon arms and legs, dragon wings, and a dragon tail. It’s tail was wagging furiously in happiness. Baglon hopped into Leaf’s lap, and she started stroking him gently.

“Why is your dog a bagel-dragon?” asked Jack. He was staring at the creature with wide eyes.

“It’s a funny story, actually,” Leaf chuckled. “I once went into town and bought myself a bagel. I set it on the kitchen table, but I accidentally spilled some of my dragon potion on it. So it turned into Baglon!”

“Okaaaaay,” Jack said. 

“Well, I’m thinking of going to bed soon,” Leaf sighed. “Can I get you boys anything else?”

“ALCOHOL,” said Crowley. 

“There’s beers in the fridge. Help yourself to anything you want,” said Leaf with a yawn. 

“Goodnight!” With that, she headed upstairs to bed, taking Baglon with her.

Adam entered the living room with a sheepish look on his face. “So,” said Ryan. 

“Shut up,” groaned Adam. Ryan smiled, satisfied with himself.

“Let’s get this party started!” said Crowley. The guys went into the kitchen and grabbed some beers. They downed them pretty quickly. After they finished drinking them, they were all incredibly drunk. 

“I like,,,m Leaf,” said Adam. “She’s mmm really nice. N’ cool,”

“I know you do,” Ryan said. “Someeeebodsy’s got a little crush! Haahahahahahaha!” Ryan laughed like a maniac.

“You guysss are both idiots,” Jack said. “But yer ma bros. I love you guys.”

“I’m, I misss Azirafelel,” said Crowley. He began to sob. “He’s probaley so wo-wo-worrrrried about me right now, ohhhh he’s prolly like, ‘where’s Crowley? Has anybody seen Crowley!’”

“I know how to cheer uuup a sad lad,” Ryan said. “Hahahahahaa, sad lad, that rhymes. I’m a lyrical geniusss.”

No you ain’t,” said Jack. “Only half the songs you write are good.”

Ryan stuck out his tongue at Jack. “Pfft,” he said. “I’m a gonna cheer up this sale… sald… SAD! Sad boy. With chickens! Chickens cheer anyone up.”

“Chocoons?” Adam asked. “How are chickeens gonna cheer up our friendy-friend-man?”

“I…” said Ryan. “I don’t actually know.”

“I’m mighty partial to turtlez, to be honest,” said Jack.

After about an hour of drunken haziness, Crowley, Adam, Jack, and Ryan had all passed out. Crowley was sleeping in a recliner chair, Jack and Ryan were sleeping with their heads on opposite ends of the couch, and Adam was asleep on the floor. The next day would bring more exciting things to their fantastical adventure, but for now, they slept peacefully.


End file.
